Boulevard of Broken Dreams
by Lesley-Leah
Summary: No matter how much they try and fight it, they just can't stay away. JayEm
1. The Show Must Go On

She quietly slipped from her basement window, making sure to latch it open on her way out. She walked quickly down the lonely, dark streets, tears streaming down her face. She didn't know why she cried anymore. But she always did. Every night, when she left the safety of her room to walk these silent avenues. They were empty to her. No one cared out here. This was the real world. No parents to tuck you in at night. No friends to tell you how they care. No, this was reality. This was her nightmare.

Her tears were silent, never causing her to break down, or to openly sob. They just fell across her cheeks of their own volition. It didn't matter to her why they came every night; she didn't waste her time analyzing it anymore. Inside she knew why she cried. She knew why the emotion of it all hit her so hard while she walked in the cool night air. Her tears knew where she was going. They knew into whose arms she was fleeing, and they pitied her. They were tears of shame. Shame that she didn't have the strength to end this. To stop this madness as soon as possible. She knew she was dying inside. Each night she went she killed another part of herself, lost another piece of her innocence, but it didn't matter to her anymore. She needed this. She needed him.

She just walked the familiar course to her destination. She stopped as soon as she saw the flickering light of the fire. Did she really want this? She asked herself the same question every time, right before she walked out into the open. She knew once she took those steps he would see her and there would be no turning back. The answer was simple. The sick, sadistic part of her screamed it out. Yes. She welcomed the pain he brought. She willingly accepted his empty advances, because she knew it would hurt her. During the days she felt nothing. She was numb to every emotion that had once created suck spark in her life. She rarely even felt pain anymore. Only when she was with him did she feel. Any emotion was better than no emotion at this point.

Who was she kidding? It wasn't always painful. He pleasured her in ways she had never even imagined existed. The moments they spent together were always explosive, and never dull. She would emerge sweaty and tired; her hair and clothes mussed in a way that left no doubt what she had been doing. Sometimes she stayed for awhile after, exchanging pleasantries with him and his friends. Most of the time she just left. She never even looked back at him. Just straightened her clothing and walked away with her eyes downcast.

The pain came afterwards. Not usually right away, some nights she could walk a few blocks before it hit her. Like a blow to her gut. Sometimes it would bring the frail girl to her knees. She would loose her breath, and struggle to catch it as the weight on her chest became heavier and more difficult to bear. She would fight to her feet and hurry home. Home never brought her the solace it used to though. Home was just another place for her to exist. That's what life away from him was like. She didn't feel truly alive until she was in his presence. She existed at home, she subsisted at school, but she only lived in the ravine.

She walked out from the shadows of the trees and her thoughts and into the firelight. He was where he always was. Sitting on the picnic table, beer in hand, smug grin on his face. He saw her the instant she stepped into the light. He nodded at her, and she responded in kind. He chugged what was left of his beer and threw the can as she made her way over to him. She stood between his parted legs and looked up at him. He brought his hands from their resting place on his knees to cup her face gently. He stroked his thumbs over her cheekbones while they stared deeply into each others eyes.

"Ready?" he asked.

She didn't respond, instead she backed away from his touch, turned and walked towards the van. He sighed and got up from the table to follow her. He caught up with her and opened the sliding door for her, offering his hand to help her into the van. Normally she would've scoffed at it and climbed in on her own, but tonight she placed her small, delicate fingers into his palm and used him as leverage to help herself inside.

He was shocked. He had offered his hand because it seemed like the nice thing to do, but he has never expected her to take it. She slid towards the back and rested against the pillows. He crawled in and shut the door behind him. He turned to look at her, reclined against the cushions leisurely, as if she was about to take a nap, or watch a movie with her friends. She never looked anxious as she had that first time. She never seemed skittish or nervous with him anymore. He took it as a good sign. Her comfort was important to him. It may seem farfetched, but they had developed something in the last few months that they had been doing this. It wasn't a relationship by any means. More of an understanding.

But it was more than that. At least it was to him. He had grown to care for her. He cared about how she felt, and if she was comfortable. He felt a strange desire to protect her. He never quite understood it, and tried to pretend it wasn't there, but at times like this, when he could look at her face unobstructed by friends, or teachers, he felt it the most. That unspoken bond between them. The emotion that lay underneath their 'arrangement'.

He stalked her like his prey. He crawled over to her on all fours and moved over her small frame slowly. She slid her hands up his back as he moved higher still until they were face to face. He had a leg on either side on hers, and an arm on either side of her shoulders, effectively trapping her in place. She felt no alarm though. She knew he liked to feel in control of the situation. He liked to feel in control of her. She played into his desires, she didn't know why, but she did. She wanted him to feel as good as possible. That was what these little encounters were about, feeling good, feeling free.

He looked intently down at her with a stare that smoldered. He felt her whole body shudder under his gaze, and he felt his dick jump with anticipation. He knew what she wanted. His girl was easy to read. He let his head drop to her neck and he nipped and sucked until she as sure there would be bruises in the morning. He kissed up her chin, and finally his lips hovered just above hers. He stopped and fixed a hard look into her eyes before letting go and crushing his mouth to hers.

The kiss was frantic. Her nails were digging into his back, even through the material of his shirt. Their tongues fought for control, each trying to dominate the other. He let a hand trail up her side and brush over her breast, teasingly. She broke the kiss and let out a small yelp. He smirked at her and attacked her neck again. She closed her eyes, and rolled her head to the side to allow him better access, and he greedily took advantage of the newly exposed flesh. One of her hands traveled up from his back and threaded its way through his hair.

"Jay." She called out softly.

God that drove him wild. Listening to virtuous little Emma Nelson call his name out in the throes of passion was intoxicating. The first time she had done it, he had thought he was going to finish without her ever even touching him. He let his hand come back up her side, lifting her shirt with it, feeling her exquisitely soft skin against the rough calluses of his hands. He slid it up to just under her breasts and let his hand stroke up and down her side for a minute, electing a soft giggle from Emma, as he tickled her gently.

"Jay!" She laughed. "Jay stop!" She pushed lightly at his chest, forcing him up a enough to look down into her eyes and laugh with her for a minute. While he was holding himself over her with one arm, the other came up to stroke down her cheek. She stopped laughing, but allowed a small smile to play at her lips. He lowered himself and ever so slowly placed a soft, sweet kiss on her mouth. Not passionate, but tender. She began to shift underneath him uncomfortably, and he knew why.

When things were fast and hard she was fine. It had been awkward for her at first, but over the past few months she had become an expert at passion. Tenderness was another story all together. She couldn't handle it at all. It bugged the hell out of him, because yes, even tough guy Jay Hogart liked to be sweet once in a while, and most of the time she was completely unreceptive to it. Every once in awhile, when she seemed to be in a good mood, he could get a kiss or two out of her while they weren't fooling around. Usually it was on the nights when she actually hung around after they were done in the van.

She would sit with him on the table, his arm around her, her body pressed into his side, and they would drink a beer. They'd listen to his friends crack dumb jokes, and tell pointless stories. It was actually a pretty good time. She didn't stay very often though, and she hadn't done it in weeks. It almost disappointed him. As much as he didn't admit it, he liked having Green peace around. She made him feel something. He didn't know what it was, but he enjoyed it, and he didn't feel it when she wasn't there.

She pushed lightly at his chest again. "What's goin on with you?"

"Me?" He questioned. "What's up with you?"

"I don't know what you're talking about." She shifted her eyes away from his penetrating gaze.

"Oh come on Emma. Give me a break. I may not be the smartest guy in the world, but it doesn't take a genius to see something wrong with this picture."

"What are you talking about?"

"You, me, in a van, in the middle of the night. There is something really fucked up about this whole situation in case you haven't noticed."

"Well, I didn't realize you weren't enjoying yourself." She pushed him off of her completely and sat up. She straightened her shirt and turned towards the door.

He growled and grabbed her by the arm. "That's not what I meant, and you know it."

"Then what did you mean Jay?"

"I just meant… dammit Emma!" Jay sighed frustrated. He finally just pulled her close to him. They were facing each other, on their knees in the small space. He leaned forward and kissed her softly. His hand came to her face as he tried desperately to keep their kiss tame. He was trying to prove a point. Instead of being hot and open mouthed like their normal kisses, his lips were only slightly parted, and he was gently kissing her mouth over and over. She started to squirm, like always, and he pulled away.

"See, that. What was that?"

"Jay what are you talking about? You're not making any sense."

"The second things cool off; you start to get weird on me. I can't do hot and heavy every second of every day Green peace. I don't work like that." He sat back and covered his eyes with his hand.

She shifted away from the door and lay down next to him. He put his arm around her, and she cuddled into his side. It felt odd to her. She knew what he was getting at. Being sweet with Jay was confusing. Hot and heavy was easy because she knew it was purely physical, and that was fine. Being physical was simple because afterwards she could just get up and walk away from it… away from him… She knew that as soon as she let this go from just passion, and cross into tender it became something else entirely.

While they were fooling around they weren't Jay and Emma, they were just two people seeking gratification. Sure, she had grown much more comfortable with him lately. They had been doing this for months, and it would've been impossible for it not to become personal on some level. She did care about him. He had become a kind of weird support system, whether he knew it or not. She was already so reliant on him, and she hated herself for it. It made her feel vulnerable. She knew that at any moment he might get tired of her, and ditch her for someone prettier, or someone willing to go all the way, which she wouldn't.

She knew that a part of her would be relieved if he did find another girl. It would get her out of this horrible situation that she couldn't seem to get out of herself. But she knew it would devastate her at the same time. As much as she wanted out, she wanted to stay. It confused the hell out of her, but she knew she couldn't talk to him about it, it would freak him out.

"Look I don't want to talk okay. I just want you. I just want to be here with you. Why do we have to analyze this?"

"Maybe you don't need to understand what's going here, but I do. This whole thing is so fucked up."

"No it's not. It's easy. You make me feel good. Do I make you feel good?"

"No, you make me feel awful, that's why I spend four nights a week here with you."

"Jay." She warned.

"Of course you make me feel good, but don't you ever think about what exactly we're doing? If this was so easy, we wouldn't have to hide it."

She sat up and faced him. "We're not hiding anything."

He propped himself up on his elbows and looked at her like she'd lost her mind. "Okay. Well then why don't you call up Cameron and tell him about it. Tell him how you suck my dick on a regular basis. I'm sure he'd get a hell of a kick out of that."

"Ugh." She turned away from him in disgust.

"Well it's the truth. Or better yet, why don't we go tell your daddy dearest about how I made you come three times last night. Do you think he'd appreciate that?"

"You are so crude."

"Face it Emma. We're hiding it, and there has to be a reason for that. If this was nothing we would've ended it months ago."

"Is that what you want?" Emma turned to him, her eyes welling up with tears. "You want to end this… thing, whatever the hell it is."

"Did I say that?"

"You implied it."

"You know better than to assume things about me."

They sat in silence for what seemed like an eternity. Just staring, each daring the other to speak. Finally she did. "I have to go."

"No you don't."

"Yes. Yes I do. I have to get out of here." She reached for the handle and threw the door open. She hopped down from the van and began to briskly walk away without so much a second glance. Jay was out of that van in a second, and chasing her down the ravine. He finally caught up to her, grabbed her by the arm and swung her around to face him. She had tears streaming down her cheeks.

"God, Emma don't cry." He used his free hand to wipe them away. She snatched her arm away from him and moved out of his reach.

"Leave me alone."

"Who's gonna make me?" He asked smugly.

"Maybe I will." She turned away from him again and left him there gaping after her.


	2. Sooner or Later

She went to school the next day as if nothing had happened. The only people who knew anything were Manny and her parents. Manny had figured it out when the STD outbreak happened. She had stopped wearing her bracelets to school after that. That was also when she had told Spike and Snake, because she needed to get treated. She had promised them that she wouldn't see Jay anymore, and they had believed her blindly. All she had to do was cry and tell them how much the shooting had affected her, and that she wouldn't lie to them anymore… they were naive. It used to bother her, lying to them. Not anymore. She didn't feel guilt anymore. Seeing Jay was the only thing that had kept her going since, and she wasn't about to give it up just because her parents told her to.

She had made Jay promise he wouldn't see other girls anymore. He had still been with Alex at the time, and said that besides her, he wouldn't see anyone else. She had only half trusted him at that point, but she figured a promise was better than nothing at all. He had since broken it off with Alex. She had been understandably upset and made a scene in front of Degrassi, claiming that he was still be seeing Amy. Emma had been hurt, thinking that it was true. He caught her eye while Alex was yelling, and tried to tell her with a look that it wasn't. She didn't believe him though.

It took a lot of coaxing from him to even get her down into the ravine again after that. He hadn't seen Amy since she had given him the STD, and after hours of pleading with Emma, she had finally believed him. Amy had come onto him dozens of times since then, but each time he turned her away more forcefully than the last. Alex had known he was still seeing someone though. He hadn't been giving her near as much attention as she was used to, and when he decided to end it with her, she knew why. She had no idea who it really was though. Emma was adamant about not wanting anyone to know they were screwing around, and he respected that. He had to if he wanted to keep seeing her.

He tried to corner her in the hallway after MI, but she just kept on walking. He tried again after lunch, and finally got her to stand still. He pinned her between his body and the wall so there was no way she could escape. "What's goin on Nature Girl?" He asked casually, as if nothing had changed over the last four months.

"What do you want Jay." She asked trying to sound annoyed.

He looked up and down the hall to make sure no one was around before running his hand up her thigh and grabbing her ass. "I want lots of things doll face." He told her seductively.

"Did you hear nothing I said last night?" Emma whispered hurriedly, shoving his arm away from her.

"Yea I heard it. But I know you didn't mean it." He smirked at her.

"Yes Jay, I did. You need to stay away from me."

"Come on Emma. Give it up. I know you don't want me to stay away. You'd miss me too much." He grinned.

"Jay, listen to me, and listen good, I'm only going to say this one more time. We're done. This… thing between us… it's over now. I can't live like this anymore. You were right, we are hiding it, and I don't want that anymore. No more secret life. I can't go through the motions all day, just waiting until I can sneak out and run to the ravine. I need to be with someone who I'm not ashamed of, and who isn't ashamed of me. Someone who will hold my hand between classes, and acknowledge me in front of his friends."

"What? I acknowledge you! All my friends down at the ravine know who you are. They know you're my girl. And when you actually decide to stay after we're done I hold your hand, when you let me that is. God dammit Emma, you're confusing the hell out of me! One minute you won't let me be the least bit romantic with you, and now you say you want me to practically be your boyfriend! I don't fucking get you!"

"I didn't say I wanted _you_ to be my boyfriend, I said I wanted _a _boyfriend. What you and I had is awesome. You made me feel incredible, I won't deny that. But what we have is physical. What I need is something emotional. And that's something you can't give me."

"Who says I can't give it to you?"

Emma laughed at this. "You don't know what emotion is. You'd just as soon spend your time screwing the next girl who came along if I was out of the picture. How do I know you aren't doing that now, huh? I mean, we're not having sex. And lord knows horn dog Jay couldn't possibly go without that, so you must be getting it from somewhere. So whoever that person is can be your full time now, 'cause I'm through with this." She pushed him away and started walking down the empty hall.

He was dumbstruck. He couldn't even imagine where she had gotten an idea like that. He had to say something to her, he was gonna lose her if he didn't. "There's no one else Emma! Just you. I was waiting for you."

Emma stopped dead in her tracks. He couldn't mean that. There was no way he could possibly mean that. She turned to face him, "What?"

"I was waiting for you to be ready."

"You're a liar. You always have been a liar. I mean, come on. Look at what you did to Alex for Gods sake. You expect me to believe a word you say to me?"

"I did what I did to Alex for you!" He yelled.

"So let me get this straight, you let Amy give you head… for me. And you gave us all gonorrhea… for me. Yea, that makes a whole lot of sense Jay." She sneered at him.

"Not that stuff, I meant leaving her. I left her for you. It wasn't fair to either of you. I had to make a choice, and I did. I picked you."

"You've said that to me before." She remembered, and she actually smiled. "Told me my bracelet wasn't a brownie badge." She giggled and stepped back in his direction. "Remember?"

Jay smiled, he did remember. "God, that feels like years ago." He took a step towards her. He reached out and took her hand. She didn't flinch, or pull or away, or do any of the things Jay thought she would. She just smiled at him. He got serious again. "What I did to Alex… it wasn't right, and I'm not proud of it. All the shit I put her through… God, I suck." He pulled her closer still, until he was looking down into her eyes. "I wouldn't do that to you. I broke up with her because I thought there might be a chance…"

"A chance for what Jay?" She asked quietly.

"For us to…"

"Yea, for what Jay?" Came a voice from behind him. Alex stepped out from behind a corner and faced them. "So this is what you dumped me for? For Cause girl? The Prude Princess? What the fuck were you thinking?"

"Alex, chill out." He moved away from Emma and turned towards Alex.

"Oh I'm not mad. More like amused really." She grabbed a hold of his chin and spoke mockingly to him. "Big tough Jay has a crush on little Emma Nelson. Our own little environmentalist. Goin soft Jay?" She smiled and let go of his chin. "And you," She rounded on Emma. "You actually believe what this asshole says to you? Cause trust me, you shouldn't. Every word that comes out of his mouth is shit. He'll make you fall for him, and then he'll leave you. He doesn't care. But then again neither do I."

She laughed and turned back to Jay. "So what we talkin here Jay? Little bit of kissing? Maybe a blow job? Or are the two are you getting down and dirty?"

Emma blushed furiously at the mere thought, but Alex took it as a concession. "So you're fucking her huh? You bastard." She finally let her anger show.

"No Alex, we're not."

"Sure you aren't I believe you, just like you we're fooling around with Amy right? Left me for her and turned her into your own personal slut did you? Well I guess it's easier to program her if you get to start from scratch. Bet she'd never even seen a dick before. Well Jay, I hope you and the princess are happy." She turned and sneered at Emma, "Cause I know the whole school will be thrilled to hear about it." With that she turned and headed in the direction of the cafeteria.

Emma gave Jay a panicked look and he called out to Alex. "Lexi! Lexi don't. "

She spun back around and slapped him across his face. "Don't you ever call me that again, you hear me? Ever!" And then she was gone, presumably to tell her story to the entire student body.

"Oh my God! What am I going to do?" Emma cried. "I have to go home." She turned and started towards the exit.

"Emma! Emma wait!"

"No Jay, you've done enough damage for one day." She ran for the door, hurried down the stairs, and away from the school.

Jay turned and slammed his fist into the nearest locker. "God fucking dammit!"


	3. Are you true?

**A/N: Some people have been asking me who I ship for and where I think this story is going. Well, at heart I am a Sean/Emma fan. I do however enjoy Emma/Jay and Sean/Ellie. They've become like cute little distractions for me while I wait for Sean and Emma to get back together. Don't worry Jay/Emma fans though, because as far as I can see, this fic will probably stay Jay/Em. No promises though, you never know where a story will take you! Enjoy!**

Jay went down to the ravine as usual that night. He figured even if she wasn't going to show he could still drink himself into oblivion. He was well on his way there when she stepped out from behind the trees. He was sure that the expression on his face at that moment must've been priceless. Emma nelson had managed to surprise him a great many times over the course of the last four months, but this topped them all.

She hadn't meant to walk there. She had left the basement to clear her head, go for a walk around the block or something. Her feet, however, had other ideas. They led her straight to the ravine. To him. She should hate him, she really should. But she couldn't. No matter how hard she tried, she couldn't will herself to hate him. She needed to see him. She needed him to tell her that everything would be alright.

When she finally laid eyes on him it was like all the pain and the anger of the day just melted away. This thing between them, it wasn't just physical as she'd have everyone believe. Hell, she'd believed it until today. Right up until the point when Jay told her that he was waiting for her. She wanted to believe him more than she had ever wanted anything. She wasn't sure if he was lying or not, and either outcome terrified her.

If he was lying, then it meant that the last four months had meant nothing to him. That it had all just been fun and games. She could hardly bear the thought. But on the other hand, if he was being honest… Her heart sped up at the very idea. That would mean that these feelings were real, and that was possibly scarier than having it mean nothing at all. She had to find out. She had to know if he really cared, or if she was just another conquest to him.

She walked across the grassy field more boldly than she felt inside. She went around the bonfire and stood directly in front of him. He looked at her as if she was an enigma, like he couldn't quite figure out if she was real or not.

"Can we talk?" She asked quietly.

"Aww well isn't that sweet. Nature Freak storms out on me in the middle of the hallway, but now she wants to talk. Probably wants to tell me about her feelings or some crap."

"God Jay, it's not even midnight yet and you're already tanked. At least you usually wait until I get here before you start drinking heavy. I worry about you if I'm not here with you." She sighed putting a hand on his knee.

"Well excuse me Princess, but I wasn't exactly sure you were gonna show after your little episode at school. And you don't have to worry about me. You don't want to see me anymore remember?" He added sarcastically.

She grabbed his hand and pulled him off of the table. "Come on Jay. We need to talk."

He reluctantly followed her away from the firelight and through the woods. They walked for a few minutes in silence. Finally Jay got fed up. "Look Princess, this is fun and all, but quiet contemplation isn't really my gig, so if we're done here…"

"Did you mean it?" She suddenly blurted out.

"What? Mean what?"

"What you said to me today at school."

"I said a lot of stuff to you today; would you care to be a little bit more specific?" He was getting frustrated with her.

"When you said you were waiting Jay. Did you mean it or not?"

"Ah. Okay, I get it now. Well Emma, do you think I meant it?" He smirked.

"Don't play games with me Jay, What I think doesn't mean anything."

"Ah, but it does. You see, what you think means everything. The importance of everything we've been to together over the past four months rests on your answer."

"How do you figure?" She was puzzled.

"Well, it's really quite simple. If you believed me, then it means that you trust me, and what I say to you. It would mean that our little 'hookups' have been something more than just physical. And that brings us to the real question at hand here: is there really something between us? Or are we just using each other as scratching posts?"

Emma opened her mouth as if to say something, but quickly shut it again when she realized she didn't know what to say.

"Well Em, it's really a simple question, did you believe me or not? Cause your answer to that question is going to answer the big question too. So what do you say Princess? Ready to rock the boat?" He grinned.

"How is it that you make so much sense when you're completely wasted?" She wondered out loud.

"It's a gift really. Some people run into stuff, some people pass out, I happen to get all smart and shit."

She laughed softly at him. She knew he was still waiting for an answer though. She thought a minute before responding. "Well Jay, you can call me an idiot, but I did. When you said it, I… I froze. I didn't know what to think, but I never really doubted that it was true." She looked away from him. "I just wanted to hear you say it again. I had to be sure you knew what you were saying."

He looked at her in a new light. He had no idea she felt so insecure. He knew that insecurity was a fairly common trait in females, having been with more than his fair share, but he had never counted her as a normal chick by any means. He moved closer to her and looked down into her eyes. "I was waiting for you to be ready Emma. There hasn't been anyone else since Alex. Just you and me kid, that's it."

She looked up at him astonished, and then she smiled. Not a fake smile like she gave to her parents and her friends, but a genuine Emma Nelson smile. Jay couldn't help but smile back at her. He didn't think he could ever remember her directing one of those smiles his way… ever. He leaned down and kissed her softly, letting his fingers leisurely run through her long tresses. He felt her hands slide around his waist as she responded to him.

She didn't squirm or shift away, or seem uncomfortable at all. It was the first time he could ever remember kissing her outside of the ravine. The kiss stayed calm and sweet, and when they broke apart, they let their foreheads rest against each other. He slid his hands down her arms and entwined their fingers. When she didn't pull away, Jay knew she was serious about this, serious about them.

He looked up and realized that they were standing in front of her house. They had walked all the way through the woods during their conversation. She looked over too, and then looked back to him, seemingly weighing something out in her mind. She finally looked resolute. "Would you like to come in Jay?"

He could tell by the look in her eyes that she didn't mean for popcorn and a movie. "Are you sure?" He didn't want t ask, but he had to know that she really wanted this.

"Yea." She smiled at him again. "Yea I am."


	4. Hands Down

**A/N: I know this chapter is a little bit on the fluffy side, but I think I did a damn good job keeping them in character, and I hope you agree. The 'R' rating definitely comes into play in this chapter, so be warned. Don't forget to review. Enjoy! **

They walked to the side of the house, and Emma stepped down to the basement window. She crawled through, made sure the coast was clear and then called up to Jay. He let himself down and turned to close the window. "Nice set up you got there." He gestured to the window. She smiled at him and went to lock the door. He took in her room. Creative and artsy just like her. He picked up a stuffed bear from her bed and smirked. "Cool room Nelson." He held up the bear, and she blushed profusely.

She grabbed it from him, "Mr. Fluffy is… sentimental." and she through it into the closet.

He chuckled at her actions, and took a step imposingly in her direction. "So what did you want to do Princess?"

"I um…" She stammered.

"Shh." He put a finger to her lips. "We'll only take it as far as you want to okay?" She nodded. "When you're ready to quit just say, 'Jay, get the hell off.' Alright?" She giggled at him. "What? You think I'm funny?" He smiled. "I'll show you funny.

He attacked her sides, tickling her to the point of hyperventilation. She laughed harder as he continued his assault on her. He finally stopped to hush her. "We're gonna wake your folks up."

"No we won't. The basement is insulated. We can be as loud as we want to."

"He quirked an eyebrow at her, and she blushed again at the implications of what she had just said. "I didn't mean… you know that we'd have a reason to be loud… or, or anything…" She stammered, and he laughed.

"I told you kid, as far as you want to go, and then we'll stop. No questions asked." He turned serious again. "I'm not gonna push you Emma. That's not cool."

She smiled at him, surprised at how mature Jay could be when he wanted to. She gathered all her resolve and moved closer to him. She raised a hand and took of his hat. It was one of the few times he had ever let her take it off. His hat was like a security blanket. He felt naked without it.

She threw it onto her desk and went to pushing his jacket off of his shoulders. He let it fall to the ground behind him. She put her hands under his shirt and took a minute to slide them across his skin before lifting the material. He raised his arms, and helped her to remove it.

She smoothed his hair back down after the shirt had joined his coat on the floor. Her hands trailed down from his hair, across his shoulders, and down his chest. She let herself take a second to admire the definition. Then they fell across his stomach and came to rest on his belt. She deftly undid it, and went to the button of his jeans.

He brought his hands up to her shoulders and stopped her. "Wait, wait, wait."

She stopped and looked up at him worriedly. "What? Did I, did I do something…"

"No, no, nothing like that." He smiled at her. "I just want to take it slow, that's all."

Emma breathed a sigh of relief and moved against his chest, feeling his arms come up and circle his waist. "I'm just, you know, a little bit nervous, that's all."

He pulled back to look her in the eyes. "You've got no reason to be nervous. Hey, it's me." He grinned smugly at her and she chuckled back. "Now let's get you out of these clothes. You are way too over dressed for my taste. You know how I like you best." He raised his eyebrows suggestively at her. "Naked and screaming."

She laughed and hit him playfully on the shoulder. This was good, this playful banter, she could handle this. It made the whole situation less scary, and that was definitely a good thing, because she was absolutely and completely terrified. Sure, they had fooled around tons of times, but she had the distinct feeling that this time was different. This time she wasn't going to stop.

Jay played with the hemline of her tank top until she gave him a nod of approval. After he was satisfied that she was okay, he slid the fabric up and over her head, leaving her in a red satin bra. He slid a finger under the strap over her shoulder and snapped it teasingly. "I don't believe I've ever seen this before."

"It's new." She smiled.

"Well aren't we full of surprises Miss Nelson." He smirked. "Now I wonder if it's a matching set."

"I guess you'll just have to find out." She replied seductively.

"Is that an invitation?"

"What do you think?"

He grinned at her widely and moved to kiss her neck. He kissed down past her pulse point and across her shoulder, moving her bra strap down gradually as his mouth reached it until it hung down her arm. He reached over and moved the other down as his kisses made their way across her collarbone. He moved back and looked at her as his hand shifted around her back to the clasp. He checked her eyes, and when he found no resistance, he released to with two fingers.

"Well aren't we talented?" She smiled sarcastically.

"Had lots of practice." As soon as the words left his mouth he mentally smacked himself. 'That's the way to make her comfortable Hogart. Remind her of all the other girls you've been with.'

She shifted away a bit, and held the material to her chest. "Em, I didn't… Damn, I didn't mean that the way it sounded."

She sighed heavily. "Yeah, I know."

"I'm an idiot Em. I'm sorry." She could tell by looking at him that he really was sorry. It did bother her to think about all the other girls, but she put it out of her mind for now. That was all in the past. All that mattered was that he was here now, with her.

"It's alright Jay." She told him and leaned up to kiss him as if to prove to him that it really was okay. As the kiss intensified she lifted her arms around his neck, and the satin fell away from her body. He took advantage and moved his hands up to cover her breasts. She moaned lightly as she felt him pinch a nipple between his thumb and forefinger. He let his grip fall to her waist and he pulled her with him as he backed up. When the backs of his knees hit the bed he sat down right at the edge.

She looked down at him confused until he leaned forward and laid a kiss against her flat stomach. Her eyes slipped closed and she braced her hands on his shoulders. He kissed down past her belly button to the top of her denim skirt. He let his hands travel up the backs of her thighs and grip her bare ass. She responded with breathy moans, and he could feel her gripping his shoulders tighter.

He unbuttoned the top button of her skirt and kissed the newly exposed skin. He did the same with the next three until it was loose enough to slip off of her hips. "So it does match." He chuckled as he fingered the strap over her hip that held the scrap of red material against her.

She smiled. "I'm just full of surprises." She echoed his words.

"Smart ass." He lowered the strap slightly and placed a kiss in the hollow just below her hip. That shut her right up and he smirked against her skin. Instead of taking the fabric down lower, he put the strap back in its place and stood up. Her eyes shot open and she appraised him suspiciously. "What?"

"Nothin'." He replied casually. Then turned and pushed her on the bed playfully.

"What was that for?" She laughed.

"Thought you'd look cuter on your back." He replied off-handedly as he climbed onto the bed and crawled over her. He lowered his face to hers and kissed her hard. She responded in kind and arched her back so her breasts her crushed to his bare chest. He supported himself with one arm and used the other to hold her to him. Emma broke the kiss as she fell back on the bed. He leaned down to her again, but she put her hand on his chest stopping him. "Now who's got too much clothing on?"

She pushed him until he was on his back and she was over him. She leaned close to his face, but instead of kissing his mouth she kissed the tip of his nose, then his forehead, and each cheek. He moved quickly to try and catch her lips, but she was faster, and slipped down to his chest.

"Quit being a tease Nelson." He ground out at her.

She looked up at him coyly. "Who me? I'm sure I have no idea what you're talking about." She continued her ministrations down his stomach and worked her way to his jeans. She pulled them over his legs and he kicked them onto the floor. At this point Emma bit her lip. She looked down at him, knowing that once his boxers came off there wasn't going to be any turning back. Jay sensed her resistance and sat up.

"Calm down Emma, they're just boxers. You've taken them off before."

He was trying to lighten the mood and she knew it. "I know that Jay, but its different this time." She looked away.

"Hey. Hey, look at me kid." He picked her chin up. "It doesn't have to be. Look, it's your first time. That's special to a chick. If you're not ready, then you're not ready. Simple as that."

It did seem so simple when Jay put it like that. It was such a Jay thing to say, and in a strange way it comforted her. This was Jay. She trusted him… God knew why, but she did. He wouldn't hurt her. Sure, he was a bit rough around the edges, but he was soft inside. She had seen it more and more over the last few weeks. In those moments where he would say something sweet, or do something protective, she knew he did care about her, even if he never said it.

She didn't know what to say to him at that moment, so she said nothing at all. She just leaned forward and kissed him. He laid her on her back as they kissed and she felt him taking off her thong. She was scared, but at the same time excited. She frowned at the loss of contact when he moved back and stood. She opened her eyes and watched him step out of his boxers and reach for his jeans. He fished around in the pockets for a few seconds before coming back to the bed with a foil packet in hand.

"You sure?" He asked her.

She went to answer him, but she was so overwhelmed that she couldn't find the words, so she just nodded. He nodded back and opened the wrapper. She watched curiously as he rolled the condom down his shaft, and then rose up over her. Her legs were shaking uncontrollably as he positioned himself between them. He looked down into her eyes as he moved to her opening. He pushed forward and felt her tense.

Emma screwed her eyes shut as he began to push inside of her. She had hoped it wouldn't be too painful, but she had been wrong. "Just relax." He comforted her. "The more you tense up, the more it's going to hurt."

The part of Emma's mind that was still capable of conscious, logical thought was screaming at her how much sense that made, but she couldn't seem to make her body understand.

Jay stopped again a few seconds later to allow her to readjust. Once she seemed calmer he pushed through her barrier in one hard thrust. Emma let out a yelp and tears streamed down her face. It took every ounce of self control that Jay possessed to just sit still and let her relax. It had been months since he'd last had sex, and instinct was telling him to get moving, but he cared about her too much. He knew a girl's first time was usually painful, but he wanted to make it as enjoyable as possible for her.

Once she settled again, Jay started moving slowly, getting into a rhythm that seemed to suit her. At first the sounds she was making were in pain, but after a few minutes he could hear a distinct difference. She was enjoying herself. He could tell.

"Jay…" She moaned. She had no idea that feelings like this were possible. Why hadn't someone told her sooner? Every thrust felt better and better as the pain subsided completely and she felt the sheer bliss of being so fully connected with someone. No, not just someone, Jay. She looked up into his eyes and he smiled down at her. She kissed him gently before throwing her head back in ecstasy.

"Faster." She whispered so quietly that Jay wasn't sure he'd heard her, but he picked up the pace and bit, and when she seemed to like it he went even faster.

Fifteen minutes later Jay was on the brink and he wanted her there with him. Jay had learned her body like the back of his hand over the last few months, and he knew just what it would take to bring her over the edge with him. He reached between them and used his thumb to get her there. They fell into each other as they came. Jay collapsed on top of her and her body went ridged as the stars exploded behind her eyes.

They just lay there like that for what seemed like forever. Finally Jay moved off of her and lay down next to her. He pulled her quickly into his side and she snuggled in. Jay kissed the top of her head which was resting lightly on his chest. She wrapped her body around him, throwing a leg over his, and an arm over his stomach. He looked down at her and couldn't help but smile, she was beautiful.

She shivered slightly and Jay moved to pull the blanket up and over them. "Stay." She whispered quietly. He felt a tug at his heart and he knew there was no way he was leaving tonight; he had no desire to go anywhere. He tightened his hold on her and kissed her head again. "Course."

She seemed satisfied and started to drift off. He felt her breathing even out and he knew she was asleep. He knew that this couldn't last. After she had left school today Alex had stayed true to her word and announced to the entire lunch room that He and Em were sleeping together. It seemed to be a favorite place for people to make random announcements, the cafeteria. Ashley had broadcasted the news of Manny and Craig's pregnancy, Paige had made it known to everyone that she and Spin were over, yep it seemed like the place for Alex.

At least now she was right. Maybe that wasn't such a good thing though. I mean, which would Emma rather, the whole school thinking she was sleeping with me and it being a lie, or everyone thinking she slept with me and having it be the truth? I was deeply annoyed by this as I fell asleep. My last thought was that at least today was Friday which meant that we wouldn't have to face everyone for two days. It would give us sometime to enjoy this before they tore it apart, and inevitably they would. It always happened that way. No matter how much you wanted something to work out, as soon as you through other people into the mix things got screwed up.

I looked down at her one last time. She looked like an angel. It hadn't felt like this with Alex, or any of the other girls. I had never stayed the night with any of them either. I always left afterwards, and it never bothered me. I had never felt the need to stay anywhere until now. I had no desire to move from this spot for a very long time.


	5. The Leaving Song

**A/N: I actually had a lot more fun with this chapter than I thought I would. I think it really captures the essence of 'Tough Guy Jay' while showing that he's human, and has human emotions just like everyone else. I hope you enjoy it. And I know that what he does sucks, but you'll just have to see where it leads… muahahahaha**

**Ps. the title for this chapter is a song by AFI. I strongly recommend checking it out ;)**

She woke up the next morning with a slight ache between her legs. For a second she was a little freaked out until she started to come around and realized that she was pressed into a warm body. Suddenly all the memories of last night flooded back. Jay. She tilted her head up and looked straight into his open eyes. He had been watching her sleep. Her mouth formed a sleepy smile and he smiled back.

"Morning kid."

"Morning." She yawned.

Sometime over the course of the next hour she found her self on top of him, riding the waves of pleasure once again. She couldn't believe this was happening. Yesterday morning she had woken up alone and a virgin, and today she had woken up to him. Part of her was celebrating, but another smaller part was out of the fantasy world. Somewhere in the back of her mind a little voice was jumping up and down yelling 'Alex!' at the top of its lungs.

Yes, Alex. Last night had been so incredible that she had managed to put that whole situation out of her mind. But now, as she lay here next to him after they were finished, she couldn't help but think about it. Alex had told everyone. She was sure of it. What would they think of her? It was bad enough trying to walk around school these days with people still thinking she was 'off' because of the shooting. Now they were going to treat her like she was carrying the plague.

"Jay?" She muttered out loud.

"What's up?"

"What's going to happen on Monday?"

"Honestly, I have no idea."

Well at least he wasn't lying to her. She had had enough of people telling her everything was going to be okay, and that things would work themselves out. She just wanted them to be honest with her. At least Jay was straightforward. "Can I ask you another question?"

"Shoot."

"What does this make us?"

"Are you serious?"

"Yeah, why wouldn't I be?"

"God, I don't know Emma." He moved his arm from around her and sat up in bed. "Why do people have to put a name to everything? Why can't things just be how they are?"

"What?" She was more than I bit upset by his answer. "Jay, I just gave you my virginity, and you're just saying that's it?"

"Well what did you expect? That we'd wake up and say 'I love you s' and then we'd ride off into the sunset on my white horse?" He scoffed.

"No, of course not. But I thought that we'd… I don't know that maybe we'd be together or something."

"Look Em. I like you. You're a great kid. But you and me… I just don't see it working out. I mean come on, it's your classic story, bad boy entices good girl into bed, she falls for him and he breaks her heart. Then she goes back to Mr. Perfect who was right there all along. In this case, Cameron."

Emma suddenly felt very naked. She pulled the sheet up to her neck as she sat up. "You have to be kidding me."

"Look Emma, I don't want to hurt you, but it's inevitable. I'm not boyfriend material, just ask Alex. Rather than trying to make it work, when you know that isn't going to happen, why don't we just skip the melodrama and end it now. We had fun. Just leave well enough alone."

"And what about you Jay?" She said her eyes welling up.

"What about me?"

"Ending this isn't going to hurt you at all?"

"I don't feel pain kid. It doesn't happen."

"I think you should go." She whispered. She felt the first tear roll down her cheek.

"Come on Emma, don't be like that. This was fun, wasn't it? We had a good time. Don't ruin it by getting all weepy and girly on me."

"Get out Jay."

"Fine. Whatever man." Jay got up and pulled on his clothes. Emma turned over and faced away from him letting her tears slide down her cheeks and wet her pillow.

He looked at her back. He felt his heart break as he saw her shoulders shaking in silent sobs. This was killing him just as much as it was killing her, but he couldn't stay with her. He would just taint her. She was so beautiful, and so pure. She deserved someone so much better than him. Maybe Cameron was the one for her… maybe not. But he knew he was no where near good enough. And he cared about her enough to let her go.

"Emma, I…"

"Just go." She commanded.

"Yeah."

He climbed up and out of the window leaving her to cry on her own. During his walk back to the Ravine he thought about how gorgeous she had been last night. So uninhibited and so bold. He couldn't get enough of her. Above all else he wished he could trade lives with someone. Someone smart and warm and able to give her all the beautiful things that a girl like that deserved. He was trapped dating girls like Alex and Amy. Girls with enough class to fill a thimble. He tried not to worry about Emma too much. Her friends would help her get over it, and in a week or so she'd be back to her usual self, bubbly and giddy, and looking for a new cause to fight for. Yeah, she'd be fine… him on the other hand… Well once you'd been with a girl like that, he couldn't imagine ever being satisfied dating the dregs again.

He got to the Ravine and into his car. He just sat for a minute, closed his eyes and got lost in the memories of her. At least he'd always have those. Even though he knew that he'd ignore her in the halls, and slide a snide remark her way in the lunch room, he knew it was for the best. All those people were going to be talking about her, and he knew as much as she'd like to deny it, she really did care what they thought. The best thing he could do was to keep his distance as show the occasional hostility to her. That way people would have no reason to believe the rumors. I mean, after all, how could they be sleeping together when they never spoke to each other?

A loud bang on his window forced him to open his eyes and sit up in shock. Standing outside his window smiling like the devil was dear old Alex herself. He rolled down the window and gave her his classic smirk. "What do you want?"

"To say hi." She sneered. "Where's you're little girlfriend?"

"She's not my girlfriend Alex. Drop it."

"Aww did Green Peace dump you?" She taunted.

"Shut the fuck up Alex."

"Poor Jayson. Got his heart broken by big bad Emma Nelson."

"Alex. I swear to God, if you don't back off, I'm gonna…"

"You're gonna what Jay? Hit me? Come on, you're a tough guy. Sucker punch me right here." She pointed to her cheek bone and he lost his steam.

"You know I'd never hit you Alex, I don't hit chicks."

"It wouldn't be the first time. My step dad loves to see black and blue." She smirked.

"That's not funny Alex, why do you treat it like it's a joke?"

"Let's not get heavy Jay. You wanna go for a ride?"

"Why the hell would I want to go for a ride with you?"

She pulled a plastic bag out of her pocket. "Cause I've got free weed." She smiled at him.

He sighed and looked at the bag. "Fine. Get in." He needed a break from the world. And if being nice to Alex was going to get it for him, then why the hell not.

He went and got high with Alex, but even afterwards he still felt like shit. He didn't want to be sitting in his car with her; he wanted to be back in bed, keeping Emma warm. "What's wrong with you?" Alex asked him in a slightly pissed off tone.

"Nothing Lex, just thinking."

"About what? Don't tell me you're actually upset about Green peace." She made a sour face.

"Shut it Alex"

"Aww, the poor baby." She leaned over to him. "Let Lexi make it better." She bit down on his earlobe gently. Jay pushed her away. "Quit it." He bit out at her.

"Yeah right. Jay Hogart turning down sex? That'll be the day."

She had a point. After all, he couldn't be with Emma, and he couldn't be without any action for too long. He was gonna have to get used to fucking girls like Alex again at some point right? So why not now? "Fine, whatever."

"Now that sounds more like my Jay. Don't worry baby, I'll make you forget all about her." She mocked him, smiling wickedly before moving to straddle him over the seat. "There, there love," she taunted "It'll be okay."

By the time they were done, Jay had lost the last of his buzz, and was now feeling pretty pissed at himself. She was still sitting on his lap, kissing his neck. He tried to stay cool, but there comes a point where you just can't take it anymore. He pushed her off of his dick and into the passenger seat. "Get lost Alex."

"Well I knew you were the love 'em and leave 'em type, but that was awfully quick." She laughed.

"Not kidding Lex, get out." He zipped up his pants.

"What the fuck is your problem?"

"You! Now get out of the car dammit!" He leaned over her opened the door.

She looked over at him incredulously. "You're serious aren't you?"

"Do I look like I'm joking?"

"Fine, fuck you then." She gathered her stuff and got out of the car.

"We just played that game bitch." He snapped.

She slammed his door, and Jay didn't even look twice at her before he backed up and took off leaving Alex staring after him.

The entire ride to his house Jay was racked with a guilt he had never before experienced. He was torn between his deep affection for Emma, and his desire to protect her. He knew now more than ever that being with her would destroy them both. He was pretty sure that if he gave in to her he would fall for her. How could anyone not? She was beautiful, smart, funny, and just the though of her naked body, moving with total abandon like it had last night, was enough to make every inch of his skin flush with desire. But at the same time he knew he couldn't be the guys she needed. If anything he had just proved it by sleeping with Alex. He couldn't let himself fall for her for the simple reason that he didn't think he'd be able to handle it when he screwed up and it ll came tumbling down.


	6. The Quiet Things That No One Ever Knows

**A/N: I know there's been a bit of time between chapters, but that's just cause this story is my baby, and I want it perfect, not only for myself, but for you guys. This story runs hot and cold like there's no tomorrow, but I think that's the way Emma and Jay would be if they got involved, all over each other one minute and denying they even knew each other the next. Well anyway, I hope you enjoy it, I enjoyed writing it! Please review, an author lives or dies on the words of kind strangers, lol. Muah **

**Ps: This chapter title is a song by Brand New. It's one of my favorites, i highly recommend it... in fact, go download it now!**

**Pps: If you haven't noticed the trend, all the titles are namesof songs, they are all awesome, if you don't know them already, you should.**

**Much Love**

By the time the tears subsided Emma was numb. She felt as if she had aged years over the course of only a few hours. Something so close to her, something she had protected and defended for the last 16 years of her life was gone, just like that. She thought he cared, she really did. He made her feel so safe and so comfortable and she had given him the most precious thing she owned… and now he was gone. In a blink of an eye he went from surprisingly sweet and caring, right back to the old Jay. How had she fallen for his tricks? She thought back to Manny, and how Craig had played her for a fool. Emma had tried to tell Manny over and over again that Craig was just using her. That he'd never leave Ashley for her, but Manny would hear none of it. She was convinced that he really cared.

Now the situation was completely reversed. Manny had tried to warn her, to tell her that Jay was just using her to… what had she said? Oh yea, to 'serial cheat on his girlfriend.' But he left Alex didn't he? He said it himself; he had left Alex for her. None of this made any sense. One minute he's acting almost like a boyfriend, and then the next he's just taking off. Was it really just to get in her pants? Six months ago Emma would've said definitely said yes, but she had gotten to know him, she had come to care for him, and she knew without a doubt that he really did give a damn about her too. So then what the hell had happened this morning? Why would he treat her like that? There was only one thing to do, she'd go see him. Maybe if she could just talk to him, then she could figure out what was going on.

She finally dragged herself up out of bed and grabbed a shirt out of her dresser. Walking was very uncomfortable she noticed as soon as she started to move around her room, cleaning up the things that had been carelessly strewn around in their haste last night. She turned to her desk and saw that his hat was still laying there. She half-smiled and picked it up. Well there was her excuse to go see him; he'd need his precious hat back. Lord knows Jay couldn't live without his favorite hat. But for now she turned it backwards and put it over the blonde hair.

She went to the bed and her mouth fell open in shock. Right in the center of her bleach white sheets was a huge blood stain. Immediately her hand felt between her thighs, looking for evidence that it had come from her. Sure enough dried blood coated the insides of her thighs. She was instantly nauseous at the thought. She quickly threw on a pair of sweat pants and headed to the bathroom for a shower. Spike and Snake were nowhere to be seen, so she guessed they had probably taken Jack out for the day.

She scrubbed furiously at her body as the hot water rained down on her. She had never felt so dirty before. She scrubbed and scrubbed until the limbs were raw and red, and painful to touch. The harder she forced the washcloth over her skin the more her eyes watered, not from the pain of the friction, but from the pain she felt inside. She finally threw the cloth into the tub and slid down against the cold tile wall, breaking down into erratic sobs. She couldn't handle it anymore. She just wanted to curl into a ball and sleep. Why did bad things keep happening to her? 'I'm a good person.' She thought. 'I've made my share of mistakes, sure, but who hasn't? What did I do to deserve this?'

Jay pulled up to his house and killed the engine. He sat for a minute eyes locked on the steering wheel. When he finally looked up he was beyond shocked. Sitting on the steps to his trailer was little Emma Nelson, wearing his baseball cap, no less. God, that girl just didn't give up! 'She looks so freaking hot in my hat.' He thought to himself. 'Dammit Hogart, get those thoughts out of your head. You have to be strong. It's for the best…' But holy shit did she look good. You would never be able to tell that she had been left in bed crying this morning. How did she do that? Go from being an absolute mess in the morning to looking like a goddess in the afternoon.

He got out of his car and sauntered over to where she sat. She didn't so much as look at him. He sat down next to her and stared straight ahead, mirroring her position. "What're you doing here Nelson?"

"Trying to figure you out."

"What the hell does that mean?" He snapped.

"Nothing. It means nothing Jay."

She spoke with absolutely no emotion in her voice and it gave Jay the creeps. Emma was the kind of girl who always put so much passion into what she was saying, and now here she was, deadpanning her sentences. "Do you want to come in?"

She finally turned and looked at him. "Okay."

Still no emotion, but at least she was looking at him. That had to be a good sign, right?

He unlocked the door and gestured for her to go in, following behind her closely. She looked around in slight distaste. She had never been in a trailer before. The closest she had ever come was when they had gone to Wasaga with Sean. It wasn't as small as it looked from the outside, but everything was old, and dirty. Her mother would've died if she saw Emma in a place like this.

Jay studied her face closely. He could tell she had never been anywhere like this before. Her look of almost disgust made him want to laugh. She looked comical. Pretty, clean cut Emma Nelson standing in his grimy trailer, looking around in a daze. "Not up to your standards Princess?"

"No. It's not that, it's just…"

"Small, messy, trashy… take your pick."

"… different…" She trailed off.

Not exactly the answer he'd expected, but hey, it'd do. He started walking around the living room, turning on lights and picking up stray clothes. He didn't know why he felt the need to pick up. He had never once cleaned up for Alex, or any other girls he brought home. He usually just walked them straight into his bedroom, fucked them, and then walked them right back outside to his car again. Everything with Emma felt new, and different. She wasn't like any other girl he'd ever been with, or would ever be with, he guessed. "You can sit if you want."

"Thanks." She took a seat on the closest couch, careful to sit on the very end, and keep her hands in her lap. He actually laughed out loud at her this time.

"I know it's not Buckingham Palace, but you won't catch anything from my sofa, I swear."

She laughed a little bit and relaxed back into the settee. He was relieved to hear any laughter coming from her at all, even if it was at his expense. He walked into the back room with an armful of clothes and looked around for a place to put them. He finally just said screw it, and dropped them into a heap on the floor. It wasn't like she'd be coming back here anyway.

He walked back into the cramped living room and sat down on the opposite end of the sofa she was on. Best to put as much distance between them as possible, as he was afraid being to close to her would be too much of a temptation.

"You're wearing my hat." He commented playfully.

"Yeah. I just wanted to bring it back to you." She slid it off of her head and smoothed down her hair, extending the hat towards him. He took it from her and scooted closer to her on the couch. She looked at him confused, but he dismissed the look as he put the hat backwards over her hair.

"Keep it kid."

"But… but it's your favorite hat…" She stuttered.

"Yeah, I know. And you're my favorite girl." He mentally smacked himself. He heard the voice inside his head scoff at him. 'What the hell was that? Stay away remember? Staying away doesn't usually involve compliments! In fact, nothing you do usually involves compliments.'

Emma blushed pink, and he chuckled slightly. "What are you doing to me woman? You're making me all sappy and shit." He smiled.

She finally laughed, really laughed a full on belly laugh. "Sappy? You? I think not."

Once the amusement of the situation subsided they were left in an awkward silence. He tried desperately to think of something to say to fill the uncomfortable quiet, but nothing came to mind. For once, Jay Hogart had no sarcastic quip, or witty comeback. They sat in the uneasy calm for a few minutes before anyone spoke.

"Jay, I… I don't regret what happened last night… I just, I wanted you to know that. It sucks that my first time had to end up the way it did, but… but it was nice. And you were sweet to me. And that's all I've ever really wanted. You didn't push me, or…"

"Yes I did." He commented sharply.

"No, no you didn't. I made the decision all by myself. And I'm not sorry. Even if you never talk to me again, and you go back to Alex." He cringed inside at the mention of Alex's name, thinking about what he had done today. "It just doesn't matter."

He went to lay a hand on Emma's arm and she pulled away sharply in pain. "What?" He questioned.

"It's nothing." She replied quickly, moving to try and cover her arms.

Jay was having none of it though, and pulled her arm gently into his lap. He studied it in the dim light, noticing how damaged the skin looked, even to the naked eye. "What happened?"

"Guess I got a little bit carried away in the shower this morning." She laughed nervously.

"God, Em, that looks like it hurts like a bitch."

"Yeah, it does."

He moved her arm off of his leg and stood up. "Hang on a sec." Jay disappeared around a corner and into the kitchen. He didn't know much about what would help something like that, so he grabbed a bottle of Aloe Vera out of the fridge. He went back out into the living room and sat close to her. "Give me your arm."

She reluctantly laid her forearm over his thigh. "What're you gonna do?"

"Well, I don't really know what to put on it, but Aloe's good for burns and shit, it cools them down, so at the very least it'll take the sting away."

She looked at him somewhat stunned. Jay was actually concerned about making her feel better… God that was weird! He was the biggest hard ass she had ever met, but here he was smoothing the thick, green, goo over her arms. This guy was like a walking mass of contradictions. Just when she thought she had him figured out, he pulled a complete 360, and she was left floored again.

He knew this was completely out of character for him, and even _he_ couldn't figure out why he was doing it. All he knew was that she was hurting, and he didn't want her to. Once he had massaged the aloe into both of her arms, she moved them back into her own lap.

"Thanks." She mumbled.

"No problem doll." He looked at her. Eyes downcast, hands fidgeting nervously. She looked petrified. Like she had no idea what to do next. He felt his heart melt at her. She was so young. Not age wise, but in life experience. He couldn't help but be attracted to her. He leaned closer to her. "Emma."

She looked up sharply at her name. Jay had that look on his face. That smoldering, hot, look that made her knees week. He was awfully close to her too. Close enough that all she'd have to do was lean just tiny bit to her right and they'd be… Before she could even finish her thought he'd closed the gap and pressed his lips to hers. It wasn't sweet or slow, but hot and demanding. He pulled her small frame tightly against him as their tongues dueled for control. His mind was screaming at him. 'What the fuck do you think you're doing?' But he couldn't control it, one minute he was staring at her sweet pink lips and the next she was straddling his lap on the sofa, rolling her hips in slow circles, and driving him insane.

He grabbed a hold of her hips and ground her against him. She let go of his mouth and tilted her head back to get some much needed air. He took the opportunity to attack her exposed neck. Sucking furiously, leaving bruises in his wake, knowing she'd have to explain them later, but not caring. He worked his way down to her collarbone, getting pissed off as the fabric got in the way. He finally had enough of it and ripped the shirt over her head. He started kissing and nipping at every inch of her chest. He went for the bra next, anxious to get his hands and mouth back onto her breasts. He couldn't believe it had been just this morning that they had been doing this last. It felt like years since he'd touched her, he couldn't get enough. If Emma was a drug, he was hooked for life.

Emma didn't allow herself time to think. Normally so responsible and thoughtful, she just let herself go with this. It felt so good, and for once she didn't want to be the sensible one. Her friends got to be impulsive and rash, she thought she deserved a bit of teenage fun too. And good God did Jay make her feel incredible! She never wanted to leave his arms. She wanted every inch of her body to be touching every inch of his body for the rest of her life.

The pressure in Jay's groin was getting to be unbearable. She was just so damn fuckable, and her body was so warm and inviting, not to mention her mouth, the things little Emma could do with that damn mouth would shock even her closest friends. He slid his hands from her waist up her back and down again. He grabbed onto her ass and stood up with her. She wrapped her legs around his middle as she laid open-mouth, wet kisses all along his jaw.

"Bedroom?" He managed to get out. It was damn hard to hold her up, and remember to breathe while she was doing that, let alone talk.

"Mmmm." She murmured huskily.

Jay groaned at her tone and started walking towards his bedroom, all the while with Emma leaving red marks down his neck. He finally reached his room and kicked the door open. He tossed her down on the bed and looked down at her, eyes full of hunger. She looked right back up at him, her eyes smoldering in a way Jay had never seen on her before.

"You thought last night was good?" He asked sexily.

She nodded slowly, still watching him, eyes glazed over in passion.

"Baby, you ain't seen nothing yet." He smirked before crawling into bed over her and shoving her skirt up around her waist.


	7. To Wish Impossible Things

**A/N: Ah the cliffhanger... everyone loves and hates it in equal measure... hope this one doesnt make you too mad... the next chapter is already in progress, so the wait shouldnt be quite as long next time. Again, thanks for bearing with me through th long waits, your comments mean everything, thank you so much for your glowing words.**

**PS. This song is by The Clash, another of my favorites!**

**Much Love**

Emma didn't enjoy the afterglow at all. She was still laying in Jays arms, in his box of a room, and she felt horrible. Is this how whores felt? She felt used and filthy. He hadn't said a word since they'd finished, and he wasn't even looking at her. God how did she let it get to this? She was having meaningless sex with a guy who had made it perfectly clear that he didn't want her for anything but a good fuck. She was disgusted with herself. 'What happened to your standards?' Emma Nelson was the not the sleep around type by any means. But something about Jay brought out this whole side of her she hadn't even known existed, a wild, crazy girl. Now level-headed Emma wouldn't admit to liking her one bit, but deep down inside she was jealous of that part of her that was with Jay and unashamed of it. Emma was chained to her life of morals and responsibilities; the girl with Jay was free.

Jay's mind was in absolute uproar. It almost seemed like there was a courtroom debate going on in his head. His heart and his head just couldn't come to a consensus. His heart was pleading to be with her. He had never felt this way before, and it scared the shit out of him, but in a good way. Jay never thought he'd find a girl he really cared about. Sure he'd cared about Alex, but more like friends that fucked, not like a guy should feel about his girlfriend. Emma was different. It was so strange to be so drawn to anyone, let alone a square like her.

Jay had been alone his entire life. His dad took off when he was six, and his mother was always either working or so drunk she didn't even know her own name, let alone his. He'd never wanted a girlfriend, Alex had just kind of happened. They had been friends, and then when friends turned into more it had just been convenient for them to be together. They ran in the same circles, hung out in the same places, and she was a cool chick. She always had weed or booze, and she was fucking awesome in bed. It never made him feel tied down, as everyone knew, because he was never faithful. He'd started messing around with Amy a week after he and Alex had gotten together. He'd probably been with a dozen girls while he was with Lex at first, but then it'd calmed down to just Alex, Amy, and a few others, that was until Emma came into the picture.

As soon as he realized that the STD had originated with Amy, he stopped it right then. And once Em was in the picture he didn't want to see anyone else, which kind of shocked him. He was the kind of guy who liked to be with a few girls simply because he got bored so quickly. But he never got bored of Em, and he was still fucking Alex, at least at the beginning. Then he'd broken that off for Emma. God, what the fuck was going on? Becoming a one woman man? Dumping a girl he'd been perfectly happy with for over a year, just because Em didn't like it?

Whoa. He'd been going about this all wrong, he shouldn't be pushing Emma away, he should be bringing her closer. Who gave a fuck if they both ended up hurt at the end? He was already hurting, and that fact alone let him know that she was more than just a good lay. He wanted to try and have something with her. He knew he had to come clean with her first though. He couldn't base the first real relationship he ever had on a lie, he was going to have to tell her about Alex.

Jay's arms tightened protectively around her subconsciously and Emma looked up at him puzzled. He noticed and glanced down into her eyes. He smirked at her, and she smiled back, but it didn't reach her eyes. He took note of that, and it made him nervous. She did want to be with him, right? I mean, she was lying naked in his bed; that meant something, didn't it? God, why did he even care? He still couldn't control that part of his mind that wanted to push her away and not give a damn about her. He decided he had to figure out what was wrong; he actually cared what was on in a girl's mind for a change.

"What's up Greenpeace?"

"What do you mean?" She asked quietly.

"I mean why are you so down? I wasn't that bad was I?" He chuckled, trying to get a smile out of her, but it didn't work.

"Very funny Jay." She deadpanned.

"Emma, I want to talk to you about something." He started, voice noticeably shaky.

She looked up at him surprised at the seriousness in his tone. "What is it Jay?"

"Maybe… maybe I was wrong earlier…"

She forced herself to stay calm. She wasn't going to get excited, only to find out that he wasn't talking about them at all. She really hoped he was though. She shouldn't want that. She should just chalk this up to experience, and move on with her life. There had to be tons of guys, nice guys, who she could be with. What was it with her and the bad boys? First Sean, now Jay? She must really be going off the deep end.

"I mean, maybe we could… you know, do the dating thing. I don't know what the hell it is about you girl, but you're different…"

She blushed at his comments, and smiled. "Are my ears deceiving me? Are you actually telling me that Jayson Hogart wants a… dare I say it… girlfriend?"

"Hey now, don't be sarcastic. I'm for real. I'm not saying it will work, but things are weird with you. I've never been serious with just one girl before."

She was listening intently to words. She had seen Jay do a lot of odd things lately, but talking about his feelings was not Jay's style. And even when he brought up something emotional, he usually made it quick, or turned it into a joke. He never really talked about Alex, or any other girl. She had always just had to assume things about why he was the way he was. She presumed that he had never been faithful to anyone, even though he'd never told her that, and while in the back of her mind she had hoped he wouldn't cheat on her, if what they had been doing could even involve cheating, she had just always believed that he was. She wasn't quite sure how to handle this sudden change, so she just stayed quiet for the moment, soaking in this new side of him.

"Alex and I were great. But we were great because we were both messing around with other people, and we never talked about it. See, I've never wanted to be faithful… to anyone. All that crap about titles, and dates… I just didn't need all that bull shit. I never had a girl who was worth it, but I think maybe you are." His eyes darted nervously around the room, looking anywhere but at her.

"Jay. I cannot believe those words just came out of you mouth." She laughed.

He exhaled with a chuckle. "Yea, me neither." He jokingly deadpanned.

She took a deep breath. "When all of this started, I was hurt, and vulnerable. I mean, the shooting… and then Sean just up and left and I needed someone. And there you were. Resident bad ass and I thought, wouldn't it be fun to walk on the wild side?" She giggled. "And it was fun… for awhile… but lately things have been different. I wasn't sure if you felt it too, but obviously you have. And I don't know if we could make a relationship work. It's not easy, I mean, look at me and Sean. That had disaster written all over it. But I'd be willing to give it a try." She smiled up at him so brightly it nearly melted his cold heart… nearly.

He hugged her naked lithe body tightly in his arms. What the hell right? It was worth a try. He opened his mouth again to tell her about Alex, but at that exact moment she snuggled into his and sighed contently. He couldn't do that to her. It would kill her, and he'd finally gotten to a place where things were good. 'Let's save Alex for another day.'

Monday rolled around to quickly, and Jay was pretty anxious about school, not for himself, he didn't care what those idiots thought, but for Emma. Jay had told her some of the things that Alex had said, but he didn't have the heart to tell her everything. Alex could be a hell of a bitch when she wanted to be, and she had wanted to be Friday in that cafeteria. She had ripped poor Emma to shreds, and as soon as she shut her mouth, the whole room and gone into overly loud whispers. Almost everyone was looking at him, or pointing and then laughing quietly with their little friends. Even some of the people Emma would consider close friends had shared a laugh at her expense. School was not going to be easy for her, and he knew it.

Emma dressed quickly checking her reflection in the mirror. She smoothed out invisible wrinkles from the jean skirt she wore nervously. Why couldn't it have stayed the weekend forever? She did not want to go to school. She did not want to face all those prying eyes and knowing looks. She put a brush threw her hair and slicked her lips with pink gloss. Spike's voice floated down from upstairs for breakfast and she turned for one last look at herself. She looked good, not that it mattered.

Em hurried up the steps from her basement hideaway and into the kitchen. Spike had a bowl of cereal waiting on the table for her, but as soon as she saw it, she lost her appetite completely. "Not hungry mom." Emma walked straight past her mother and grabbed her bag sitting next to the door. "I'll see you later."

"Wait, Emma, what's wrong hun?" Her mother asked concerned.

"It's…" Emma toyed with the idea of feigning sick and trying to get out of class, but as soon as she started speaking she heard a horn from outside.

"Who is that?" Spike asked.

Emma opened the door to peer out into the driveway. "Oh my God."


	8. Don't Confess

Emma threw the door open and ran towards the car, throwing herself into the arms of the driver. He hugged her back tightly before letting her go and telling her to get her stuff into the car or they'd be late for school. She quickly obliged, throwing her beg into the back seat before climbing into the passenger. Emma was dead shocked. She couldn't believe he had come to pick her up. She felt her spirits lift and for awhile she couldn't even remember why she had dreaded school so much.

Spike parted the curtains of her kitchen window and looked out on her daughter. Emma was completely wrapped around a very familiar boy in the driveway. Spike smiled, happy to see Emma smiling for a change, even if the cause of her grin happened to be that particular boy. She called into the living room for Snake, who came through carrying Jack on his hip.

"What's up Spike?"

"Come here and look at this."

Snake walked over to the window and looked out as Emma got into a car. He turned to Spike who was still smiling and tried to shake her of her grin. "This is not a good thing Christine."

"Why not? She looks happy." Spike glanced back outside the window as the car pulled away from the house.

"That boy is trouble, everyone knows it. I have to get going, here take Jack." He handed the baby over to his mother. "I'm going to keep an eye on them today."

"Archie! You'll do no such thing. She's a big girl, and she can take care of herself."

"I hardly think 16 is old enough for her to be taking care of herself."

"Please Archie, I was pregnant with her when I was 16, and I'm okay." She defended.

"I didn't mean it like that Spike; I'm just worried about her, that's all. You know I love Emma." He sighed.

"Yes, I know. Just don't smother her okay? It's the first time I've seen her smile like that in a long time."

Snake wrapped her in a hug and kissed the crown of her head. "I won't smother her, I promise."

"Okay, now get going or you'll be late."

He slung his arm over her shoulders as they walked into the crowded building. He nodded at a few people, but kept a close eye on the girl next to him. She seemed upset, or scared, and he wanted to know why. Her eyes were downcast and she avoided looking at anyone. She was subdued and very unlike her perky self. The more he thought about it the more he noticed glances being directed at them, some people were just downright staring, and some were snickering behind their hands.

"Emma, what's going on?"

"Oh, it's nothing." She replied quietly.

He was about to press her further, but was distracted by a familiar figure coming down the hall. "Seany Boy!" Jay happily greeted him. "Where the hell have you been?"

"Wasaga. You knew that Jay."

"Hey, hey now, what's with the hostility? You and me used to be tight."

"Yeah, used to be. Things are different now." He almost growled at him. Emma just stood quietly, not wanting to cause an even bigger problem.

"Whoa. Back off, I just wanted to welcome you back."

Sean was about to snap at him when a voice caught him by surprise. "Seany!" Alex chirped happily. "I knew you find your way home. Hi Greenpeace. What's new" She smiled viciously at Emma.

"Back off her Alex." Jay snapped.

"Wait, what the hell is going on here?" Sean was suddenly very confused. Alex bitching at Emma was normal, but Jay standing up for her was definitely not.

"Didn't you know hun? Nature Freak is getting it on with Lover Boy here." She nodded at Jay. "As soon as you were gone she ran right into his arms, isn't that right _Emma_."

Sean actually laughed out loud. "Yeah right Alex, funny."

"Oh, it's no joke Sean. They're in love." She said mocking them with her dead serious tone.

"Emma, come on, tell me that's bullshit." Sean looked at her.

Emma looked up at him, not quite knowing what to say. She opened her mouth but the words wouldn't come out.

"Emma, tell me that bitch is lying."

"I… I can't." She looked down at the floor defeated, "Jay and I are together."

Sean threw his arm off her like she had burned him. "What the fuck? Are you fucking insane? Have you lost your damn mind?" He yelled.

"I'm sorry. I was just so happy to see you that I didn't think…"

"Didn't think? You didn't think? You didn't feel it was important to tell me that you were sleeping with this loser?"

Jay came to her rescue just then and she was eternally gratefully for it. "Just calm down Sean, okay. Emma's a big girl. She can make her own decisions."

Sean chucked maliciously and turned towards Jay. He had a smug look on his face that made Sean insane. He charged at him, grabbing him around the middle and shoving him into the lockers across the hall. Suddenly everyone in the hallways was stopping to stare. Sean's fist connected with his Jay's jaw before he even had time to react. "Emma was mine Jay. You knew that! You fucking hated her, why the hell would you want to sleep with her? Huh? To spite me? Is that it?"

Emma ran towards them and tried to pull Sean off. "Stop it! This isn't going to solve anything!"

Sean's fist had pulled back and he was about to hit Jay again, but instead turned to look at her. "God, you know what, screw this. I don't know why I thought you were worth it. You want him? Have him!"

Emma watched Sean adjust his backpack on his shoulder and stalk off down the hall. Alex smiled sweetly and left after him. Emma turned back towards Jay sadly and let out a sigh. He felt his swelling jaw and then took her into his arms. "It'll be okay Em. It'll all work out."

"Okay? You think this is going to be okay? This will never be okay. God, what are we doing Jay?"

"Hey, buck up princess. Seany Boy just needs some time. He'll get over it."

Emma turned back in the direction Sean had left in and felt her eyes well up with tears. She could barely hold them back long enough to bury her face in Jay's chest. He felt the moisture spread onto his shirt, and stroked the back of her head gently. "Let's get out of here Em, let's just go."

She thought about it for a minute and decided it was best that way. She couldn't handle a whole day here. It would've been bad enough anyway, but with Sean back things were just going to be worse. She nodded slowly and he led her out of the building, down the steps and to his car.

Emma felt marginally better after her day out of school. She and Jay had spent the day at his house watching trashy daytime talk shows, and chatting about this and that. She had dreaded leaving him to go home, but she knew she had no choice. He had dropped her off outside, offering to come in with her, but she had declined. Facing her parents would be easier alone, whether she wanted to or not. She slipped quietly through the front door, hoping to make a soundless entry and slip down to her room before anyone noticed. The second she shut the door behind herself though her mother and Snake came around the corner into the entry hall. They had obviously been waiting for her.

"And just where were you today?" Spike asked her coldly.

"I was… I just couldn't stay there. I just needed a day off."

"Emma, this is unacceptable." Snake chimed in. "You can't just skip school because you feel like it. Were you with Sean?"

"No I wasn't with Sean, and what would you even know about it? You guys don't know anything about my life or what I've been going through. You don't even care!"

"Emma, of course we care, we're your parents!" Snake said.

"No, she is my parent. You aren't anything to me. You pretend you're my father, but you're not! Stop acting like you have anything to do with me!" She spat out.

Spike and Snake were both taken aback. Emma hadn't talked about Snake like this since they had first gotten together, she had seemed so content with their family now, and had readily accepted Snake once they fell into a routine. Neither of them had any idea that she still felt any anger towards him at all. At that moment Jack started to cry and they all looked up the stairs. "I'll uh, I'll go get him." Snake murmured quietly.

Once he was up the stairs Christine rounded on her daughter. "Just what is going on with you? You have no right to talk about Archie like that. He's been more than a father to you. He loves you like you were his own daughter!"

"But I'm not mom. I'm not. Mom, I just need space. You guys are smothering me."

"This isn't you. Why are you acting like this? Oh my God. You're still seeing that boy aren't you? I can't believe I didn't see it."

"Mom, this isn't about Jay. Don't make it into something else." Emma huffed.

"You only started acting like this after you started hanging around with him. Emma you cannot see him anymore." Christine tried to sound resolute.

"Oh, and who's gonna stop me? You? Snake? Yeah right." She turned and grabbed her coat off the peg on the wall.

"Emma, don't you dare walk out of here."

"Goodbye Mom, I won't be home for dinner." And with that Emma slammed the door closed as she left the house.

Spike sighed deeply as Snake came down the stairs with Jack. "Did she leave?" He asked concerned.

"Yeah, she's gone."

"What are we going to do?"

"I have no idea." Spike turned to stare at the door Emma had just slammed. "No idea."


	9. The Good Kind

**A/N: Okay, before you guys start yelling about where I've been for the last like… year, let me just tell you how sorry I am. This last year has been the most crazy and stressful time in my life, and somewhere in all that mess I lost my passion for writing. I wasn't sure if I'd ever get it back. But lucky for you and for me, a week ago I sat down with a pen and it just poured out of me. I'm still a little rusty, so this chapter isn't my best, but it moves the story along, and I promise the next chapter's gonna be worth it. So, Enjoy, and make sure to review and tell me what you think.**

**Ps: Another good song title. The Good Kind is By The Wreckers, If you listen to the song, you'll completely understand why it's perfect for this chapter.**

**Much Love**

The rest of the week flew by in a haze for Emma. She went to school, but she didn't pay attention, just went through the motions. She had made a special effort to avoid Sean, knowing she couldn't stand his penetrating glare. Unbeknownst to her Jay had also spent the week steering Emma clear of Alex, knowing that given the chance Alex would be more than happy to divulge their clandestine misadventure of the previous weekend. Jay was surprisingly happy though, minus the fact that no one would talk to them and her parents hated his guts, things were going well. Emma seemed to be adjusting to the life of an outcast he was so used to well. They had even made plans to hit the Ravine that night, which they hadn't done since the first night they had slept together.

Emma was feeling good, but was still a little wary of Jay's sudden turn around into a good guy. Sometimes she felt like he was really genuine in his new found sweetness, but other times she wasn't so sure. Something Manny had said to her once rang in her ears _'Once a cheater, always a cheater'. _She tried to push the thought from her mind as she got ready to go out.

Her parents had forbid her from seeing Jay, but she took no notice. Spike had never been a very "hands on' kind of parent, more like a really cool big sister, and Emma exploited what she knew to be Christine's weakness. Spike had been controlled by her parents as a teen, rebelled and ended up pregnant. Emma knew the last thing Christine Nelson wanted was for her daughter to follow in her footsteps. So while she did issue orders like any other parent, she normally couldn't bear to follow through with them for fear of pushing Emma so far away she wouldn't come back.

Jay pulled up and Emma was waiting at the door, it could get messy if Jay came and rang the door bell. She climbed into the passenger side and he smiled at her. Comfortable silence dominated the ride to the ravine, and Emma was content to sit and think. When they stepped out onto the wet grass illuminated by the bonfire Jay swiftly grabbed her hand and she grinned shyly. They took up Jay's usual spot on the picnic table and joined in the drinking and laughing.

Things were very nice for an hour or so. Emma and Jay enjoyed his friends' shock at her actually arriving with him and staying without venturing into the van. Everyone was starting to warm to the situation when Alex sauntered her way into the group smiling smugly. Emma felt Jay stiffen beside her and she squeezed his hand reassuringly, but he didn't relax.

"Hey guys." Alex smiled to her friends sitting around the fire in an assortment of seats pulled out of old cars. "Well look what we have here. If it isn't Gidgit and Moon doggy. Having an old fashioned good time at the sock hop." She gave the couple her signature smirk, and took a seat across from them, leering at Jay knowingly. Jay tried to keep his cool, but it wasn't easy knowing Alex could ruin everything. She chatted idly for a few minutes before turning to Emma. "So Greenpeace, how's it feel being in love?"

"Shut up Alex." Emma replied icily.

"No, I'm serious, it must be nice. I mean, knowing that Jay won't cheat on you, like he did me, won't lie to you, or break your heart. 'Cause I'm sure he'd never do that to you, would you Jay?" She smiled.

"No Alex, I wouldn't."

Emma smiled smugly at Alex and moved closer into Jay's side. "So," Alex began again. "I'm sure he told you about last weekend then, right?"

"What are you talking about Alex?" Emma asked.

"Jay and I had sex last week. Didn't he tell you?" Emma's face became a mask of rage and pain. "Oh, you didn't know did you? Poor thing."

Emma jumped up from the table and headed away from the firelight at an intense pace. Jay moved quickly to follow, but not before turning to Alex, "You're a fucking bitch, you know that?"

"You weren't saying that in the car lover." She grinned.

"God, Fuck you Alex." And with that Jay took off after Em, running to catch up. "Emma! Emma wait! Dammit wait up!"

Emma kept heading away from him with a fervor he'd never seen from her before. "Emma come on! You're gonna listen to her? Of all the people to listen to." Emma slowed to a stop in front of him, and he caught up.

"Is it true Jay? Did you sleep with her?"

Jay looked down at her at a loss for what to say. He didn't know how to fix this. "We weren't even really together yet Em. It was a mistake! A stupid, stupid mistake and I wish I could take it back."

"But you can't. You did it, and you can't take it back. So just stay away from me. Do you understand? Stay away." Emma yelled and turned away from him, but he was too quick for her and caught her by the arm.

"Emma, please, just listen to me,"

"No. Whenever I listen to you it only seems to get me in more trouble. I trusted you Jay. I trusted you and you lied to me. Don't you get it? They were right! They were all right. My parents, Sean, Manny, everyone… Once a cheater always a cheater, right Jay?" And without another word she turned on her heel and set off away from him. He didn't even bother to try and stop her. She was right, and there was nothing he could do about it.

Jay paced up and down his tiny bedroom. He wanted blood. His anger at the current situation had gotten to the point that revenge occupied his mind completely. Emma wouldn't talk to him. Not that he blamed her. Her anger and avoidance of him were completely justified. But his anger towards another female was growing by the second. It was Alex who should be suffering. Suffering the same way he was suffering. But how? He turned the question over and over in his mind. How could he hurt her without laying a hand on her? Jay didn't hit girls, but he was having a hell of a time restraining himself from finding her and wrapping his hands around her throat.

"Jayson!" A voice called loudly from the living room, interrupting his relentless path back and forth. Jay let his issues fall away from his mind as he opened his door to look at his drunken mother lying on the couch.

"Yeah?" He asked, annoyed at the disruption.

"Go down to the liquor store for me." Diane Hogart slurred at her son. "I'm out of beer."

"I can't Mom." He replied, irritated. "Only seventeen, remember?"

Diane rose drunkenly from the sofa, knocking an empty beer bottle off the side table as she did so. "You're fucking useless." She spat as she wobbled to the refrigerator. She opened the door and proceeded to throw things off of the shelves and onto the kitchen floor, out of her way, in a vain attempt to find more booze.

"Thanks mom, love you too." Jay replied sarcastically.

Diane paused, a carton of milk in her hand that was just about to be thrown to the floor. She turned to face Jay and snarled, "You're an ungrateful little brat. I do so much for you, and you just…"

"Oh yeah, you've done so much." Jay laughed sardonically.

"I put a fucking roof over your head don't I?"

"Yeah, great roof." He said, gesturing to the ceiling that leaked in several places, and bore the unmistakable yellow color of years of tobacco smoke.

"Shut up!" His mother screamed. "Shut your selfish little mouth!" She threw the carton of milk to the floor and slammed the fridge door shut. "You think you've got it so bad here? Do you? Why don't you try living on your own then? Get out."

"What? Mom, come on."

"I'm serious Jayson. Maybe living on the streets for awhile will make you appreciate what you've got." She stumbled back to her place on the couch. "Now get out."

"Fine!" He yelled. Jay grabbed his keys off of the sideboard and walked to the front door. "That's just fucking perfect." He stormed outside, got into his car and peeled out of the driveway.


End file.
